color lovin: chartreuse

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an example in an OT prophet

Today I spent some time studying in habakkuk. I pulled out the commentary, grabbed my journal, pen and Bible, and prayed for illumination. God revealed to me a sweet example of relationship with Him.

Habakkuk is not like your typical OT prophet. He does not plead with God to with hold his anger from the people of Israel. Instead, He questions God's willingness to delay punishment on the wicked. He shows us that questioning God is acceptable, so long as you do not refuse to trust God and you question in a respectful manner.

Habakkuk begins by questioning God's delay of punishment. God then answers him, promising punishment will soon come. However, Habakkuk still has questions. God's plan was to punish the sinners, through the even more wicked Chaldeans. Habakkuk wonders at this, considering God "cannot look at wrong." Habakkuk questions God with respect and reverence. Then, he decides to wait patiently for God to answer him.

God indeed answers. His answer is one of warning, a warning to the wicked. God warns against a variety of sins and again confirms His plan to unleash His fury and pour out punishment on the wicked. Habakkuk responds with awe and praise towards God. Habakkuk turns from questioning to trust, remembering and stating that God is indeed all-powerful and sovereign. He knows God's way is prefect and believes that His way will prove just.

In these short 3 chapters, Habakkuk demonstrates a few things. He questions respectfully, waits patiently, trusts in God's timing/plan, stands in awe of God's might and power, and then hopes in eternal salvation not temporary circumstances/blessings. This short display reveals that Habakkuk has a sweet and deep relationship with God. He is bold and asks questions of God and after being answered, proclaims God's greatness and rejoices in God's goodness.

My prayer is that God would teach me how and help me become like this. I want to desire to understand God's ways and be satisfied with the answers He reveals to me. And not just satisfied, satisfied with rejoicing and awe. God is indeed a mighty Savior who is willing to be patient with us and at times reveal His plans to us. He wants to give us knowledge, if we ask, and reveal His awesome power to us so that we might glorify Him. What a mighty Savior I serve!

i think this song is pretty

blueberry muffins

recently, in the midst of all my free time, I decided to make some blueberry muffins for a neighbor. knowing i would want to enjoy one as well, i doubled the batch. they were so delicious, i made them again 2 days later. i adapted my recipe from the brown eyed baker. 


2 c all purpose flour
1 T baking powder 
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1 c sugar 
1/2 stick of unsalted butter, melted
8 oz sour cream
a splash of milk
3/4-1 c of fresh, small blueberries 

     first off preheat the oven to 350 degrees. then, i greased my muffin tins (i used 12 regular size) with a bit of butter. next, it's time to begin mixing your ingredients. 

     whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt until combined. if doubling, make sure to use a pretty big bowl. whisk the egg in a separate bowl. add the sugar to the egg and whisk vigorously. pour in the melted butter, while whisking. then add the sour cream and again whisk to combine. at this point you should have a beautiful, creamy yellow mixture. 

     wash your indigo berries and add to the dry ingredients. gently toss just to combine. next, add the sour cream mixture and fold with a rubber spatula until the batter comes together. the batter will be very thick. careful, not to overmix.

    using 2 large metal spoons divide the batter among the muffin cups. bake until the muffins are light golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes, rotating the pan from front to back halfway through the baking time. i made sure to follow this step as my oven does not cook evenly. serve while piping hot with a slab of butter. delicious for a weekend breakfast, afternoon snack, or late night pick me up. enjoy! 

learning and yearning

over the past week or so, i've learned a lot about God. it all began when i quickly became frustrated and angry towards a family member. they had hurt and offended me. it wasn't so different than all the other times, except that there have been all the other times and there was bitterness. hurt and bitterness i had let grow because it was easy. easier to keep going and "look over" the offense than to talk about and work it out. i realized this family member had no idea of their words/actions were so hurtful and that was my fault. yet i decided to keep going anyways. after a few days of feeling hurt and growing more and more angry, i had had it. even after being asked for forgiveness i said no. i was sinfully angry and unwilling to forgive them. it took a day or two, and other family members noticing something was up, before God broke through.

it was sunday morning at church. i wasn't feeling up to going because i had definitely sensed the Holy Spirit's prompting. i knew i had sinned against this person i loved many times. i was discouraged by my lack of ability to quickly forgive and to seek reconciliation. yet, during worship God spoke to me. i felt like there were 3 things i needed to hear that morning.

first i felt God was encouraging me to come freely before Him. my many sins i was so aware of need to be dealt with, and they were... on the cross. i felt encouraged, like He was saying, "my work on the cross is sufficient for you. every sin you've committed and will ever commit is taken care of. your 'performance' is irrelevant. trust in the cross for your salvation." i felt relieved. how kind of God!

then, those thoughts sort of transitioned to realizing how very many times God forgives me for my sins. He graciously and eagerly forgives me for my repeated offenses. when i sin, no matter who it is directed towards, it's ultimately directed towards God. my sins sadden and hurt Him, yet He forgives me. He does not hesitate or let bitterness grow as i had done. he forgave me when i wasn't even asking and He forgives me of sins i don't even realize i commit. how kind of God!

and then we sang of the power of His work on the cross. i realized that, because of the cross, there is hope for my broken relationship with my family member. His power is greater than the power of sin that infiltrates our lives and stains our friendships. i knew that God would heal this close bond and bring reconciliation. again, how kind of God!

i've been taught many of these truths before, yet when they break through my hardened heart once again it feels like new life and refreshing rain have been poured out. i'm so thankful that God is at work in me. while it seems completely harmful to fight and argue and say hurtful things and get hurt, God promises to work all things for good for those that love Him. out of the hurt came greater depths of understanding, joy, and thankfulness, and hopefully soon full reconciliation with my loved family member. thankful for a God who saves and is sovereign!


"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." romans 5:8

christmas crafts #1

decorating for christmas without a lot of money can be quite tricky. however, this year it inspired creativity and resourcefulness. i hope to do a little series of the couple of projects i've completed this year. so to begin...

sparkly gold and silver snowflakes

these are so cheap and turned out so lovely.

supplies
a glue gun
toilet paper/paper towel rolls
spray paint
glitter
thread/string

cut your tp/pt rolls into thin slices, i found the thinner ones looked more dainty. flatten pieces and then push up edges to give them a nicer, almost football like, shape. once you have all of your pieces ready to go, put a dot of glue near the end of one piece and connect it to another. continue adding pieces until you get a star or cross, or keep going until you have a much larger snowflake.

the next step is a bit more involved. take a snowflake and spray paint it. i chose to use gold and silver paint. while it is still wet, sprinkle or dip your flake into the same color glitter. set to dry. once it's dry you can tie your string or thread around one of the sides. i chose to use my completed snowflakes as ornaments, though there are many different options. such a cheap, sparkly decoration

the most wonderful time of the year.

thanksgiving table

oh christmas tree

we brought home our 2011 christmas tree tonight! it's our family tradish to go 2 nights before thanksgiving. wednesday before thanksgiving we decorate the boughs and whip up the delicious food. on thanksgiving we sit back and relax. funny as the years go by it gets harder and harder to get everyone together to make these things happen. but we managed : )

heartache

this past week, i've had a sort of growing sadness. sadness for lost souls. as a recent friendship with a seeming unbeliever has grown so too has my sadness for her and her unsaved soul.

for years, i've prayed that God would give me a glimpse of His view for the lost. i wanted very badly to care more about people, realizing that everyone, whether aware or not, will spend eternity in either heaven or hell. for years i've prayed regularly for friends who's salvation i was not sure of or either very doubtful of. yet, i've never really felt that i cared about the eternal destinations of the souls all around me.

romans 10:1 is a verse that has provoked change. Kevin DeYoung said in a sermon on compassion, "Our goal as Christians is to relieve suffering everywhere we see it and especially eternal suffering." these 2 sentences have really stuck with me. and so the prayers for change continued.

well this past week, those prayers have been answer. yet, i'm not sure i was really ready for what it was i had asked for. i believe that God has the power to change hearts, to soften hardened sinners and cause true repentance and belief. and i also believe that not everyone will be saved. some people continue to harden their hearts and ignore the gospel. they choose to ignore their need for saving. while i don't understand it all, i still believe God is a loving and sovereign God capable of great things. He is saddened greatly by sin. i think the intense sadness God feels for unbelievers is something humans will never know. yet through sanctification, we can gain small glimpses into this grief.

this past week my heart has grown heavy as i talked more and more to my friend. she seems to want something more, know that life is about something more, yet i think she's comfortable with her life and knows significant change would need to occur if she seeks out something greater.

last night after everyone went upstairs, i began to cry. tears for my friend, tears for other friends, tears for all the faces i pass each day that do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. crying turned to weeping. i was overcome by grief. i turned to Scripture. i was quickly drawn to revelations. as the verses described what the end of time will be like, and how some will continue in their unbelief, yet another even greater wave of sorrow came over me. i wept for the first time in my life as i thought about people going to hell.

i realized in my weakness that unless God changed these hearts, they would indeed suffer in hell. i know my efforts to spread the truth of the gospel are in vain unless God changes hearts. i prayed, without actually speaking words, that He would indeed change their hearts.

i still feel sadness as i think of faces, yet more grateful than ever for my salvation, and that most of the people i love are saved. i felt exhausted from shedding tears for close to an hour, but God used that exhausted and needy feeling to show me that salvation is His doing, not mine. this built faith in me to pray. pray hard for the lost. and never let opportunities for sharing the hope of the gospel pass me by.

this heartache that i feel is real. i'm sure it's only a trace of the grief God feels. while it's made my heart heavy, i hope it does not quickly go away.

Hebrews 4:7
"Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts." 

Titus 2:11
"For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation for all people."

Psalm 42:5
"Why are you cast down oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation."

honeyed tunes

roslyn

possibility 

hearing damage

meet me on the equinox

                     

glimpse of autumn

Pumpkin cookies from Mary

                                             parking garage

                                           Cuties on the keys

                          night out with chels, jake, and mary

                                        odu bird's eye view

                                             rainy night

                                               tired of school

                                              leaf garland

                                              rain drops

                                                   chels

                                           weeping cherry

                                            golden hair

the best

on love

love is not something i think about a lot. i mean, i love my family and friends but liking someone, falling in love, being in love, i haven't thought about these things much until recently. throughout the past 12 months i've had a front row seat to my sister's first relationship with a boy. in the summer, i read a series of posts about love. since the end of summer 2 of my dearest friends have started dating boys. and most recently i've seen a new friend walk through a tough situation in an almost 4-year-long relationship. i've payed more attention to the different dynamics in the duos closest to me. my perspective on what love is, what i want from a guy, and how things "should be" have changed. not drastically, but subtly.

i used to dream of a guy that'd be tall, strong, handsome, charming, smart, athletic, funny, a leader...basically perfect. not sure why, cause i'm no where near perfect, but i did. i dreamed of an easy, short, fun time of dating and being engaged. than life would go on and along would come marriage, kids, and a comfy lifestyle without problems. not necessarily bad things to want, but if idled definitely need to do some heart checking.

so i did. helped along by the before said items, i evaluated what i was looking to gain from the relationship(s) that will one day come. i was looking for ease, comfort, affirmation, and happiness. but, what i realized is that happiness will not come from any of those things. true happiness, true joy, can only be found within Christ. true peace-ease & comfort- can only be found in Christ. and true affirmation can only be gained from hiding my life within Christ's sacrificial work on the cross.

so i started to re-shift my focus, the desires of my heart began to slowly change. instead of desiring an easy, dreamy future, i began to desire a future that reflected God's plan for me, a future that would bring glory to His name, and a future filled with things that would be of eternal importance.

more important than tall, strong, handsome, charming, smart, athletic, funny, etc, i want someone who is more passionate about God than anything else. who has given God his whole heart. who knows God's Word, but wants to know it better. who has prayer often on his mind. who finds joy in laying down his life and desires for others. who is committed to pursuing non-believers. who is courageous, unafraid to stand for truth and on his convictions. who will lead me and our one day family closer to God. these are the things i would like and pray for now. i want to come away from dates, phone calls, and time together spurred on towards the upward calling. i want to talk about deep things and have lighthearted fun. i want there to be struggles and arguments that refine us and build our faith. i want to be a team, with winning as our goal. winning through living lives in a manner worthy of a most Holy God.

this is what i want.

and i want to be a girl who is worthy of such a boy.

fall mantle

quickie

fall is here, and while the occasional 80 degree day pops in, it's mostly cool and crisp. i love this time of year. i love the pumpkin harvest candle, the sweaters, cozy night at home, starbucks, and i love being reminded to be thankful. this season is filled with both reflection, on the gifts we've been given, and anticipation, of the not too far away christmas season. i love it.

more to come soon about nursing school and life

i heart faces | beautiful eyes

garrett. entered the beautiful eyes photo challenge over at the i heart faces website.

i heart faces | friendship

first time linking up to the i heart faces weekly challenge. more from this photo shoot with bell and garrett soon...

doing it

bell has this nike shirt. and instead of the typical "just do it" saying on the front, it reads "doing it." it got me thinking, hey i'm doing it. what is "it" you might ask? it would be anatomy and physiology. i made the decision last summer to take a&p this summer. i chose to do it now instead of during the regular school year on top of my full load. and ever since i made that decision i dreaded the day i would have to act upon it.

now, it wasn't something i thought about daily, but it flitted through my mind frequently. i had heard horror stories about the class. from friends who'd previously taken it, from people i met at odu, and from the advisors. i realized i'd be doing a&p for the summer. not working, not hanging out, heck, not even sleeping. "a&p would be my life" one advisor stated with an impish smile. how could i not dread that? should i have looked forward to these promises eagerly? anticipating them with joy and desire? should or shouldn't have, i didn't. i really couldn't wait for the whole shabang to be over.

and then i had to decide this past spring to take the class at odu or tcc. i chose tcc for a handful of reasons. it was a tough decision, but every day i go to school i'm glad God helped guide me to make it.

and "every day i go to school" reminds me that i'm doing it! this thing i've dreaded for almost a year, i'm doing it. and after today's practical, i'm half way done. 5 weeks down, 5 weeks to go. and not a single day has passed that i have not felt desperate to call upon the name of the Lord, begging for help to learn everything i need to.

"prayer can never be in excess." spurgeon

and He has indeed answered my call.

"oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name; make known His deeds among the people." psalms 105:1

He is indeed worthy of praise! helping me gently along every step of the way, teaching me more than the superior vena cava, the cricotracheal ligament, and the ciliary zonule. He's revealing Himself to me more and more every day, and I couldn't be more grateful for this time of dependence on Him.

i'm doing anatomy by the grace of God. and i'm half way done!

round 2

ding! ding! ding!

and here begins round 2.
another week, another load of school.
4 tests. 5 quizzes. 7 days. holy cow.

and when i realize this, all that i have to do, i realize once again how incapable i am. i realize how anatomy would totally kick my butt if it weren't for grace. grace that gives me strength when i feel so weak. grace that reminds me to pray and ask my heavenly Father for help. and grace that sees me though to the next day. and that's when i realize and remember how capable God is. He is capable and willing to help me through these next seven days and then the 5 weeks left after that. and then the next year, and the next, and so on. He is capable to sustain me through this trial and every one that will come in the future.

God is able. God is willing. And God is at work. What good, life-giving news.

a few a&p pictures. so interesting i know.

starting out

pushing through

and done. ahh. isabel's looking good.

Back to the books : )