over the past week or so, i've learned a lot about God. it all began when i quickly became frustrated and angry towards a family member. they had hurt and offended me. it wasn't so different than all the other times, except that there have been all the other times and there was bitterness. hurt and bitterness i had let grow because it was easy. easier to keep going and "look over" the offense than to talk about and work it out. i realized this family member had no idea of their words/actions were so hurtful and that was my fault. yet i decided to keep going anyways. after a few days of feeling hurt and growing more and more angry, i had had it. even after being asked for forgiveness i said no. i was sinfully angry and unwilling to forgive them. it took a day or two, and other family members noticing something was up, before God broke through.
it was sunday morning at church. i wasn't feeling up to going because i had definitely sensed the Holy Spirit's prompting. i knew i had sinned against this person i loved many times. i was discouraged by my lack of ability to quickly forgive and to seek reconciliation. yet, during worship God spoke to me. i felt like there were 3 things i needed to hear that morning.
first i felt God was encouraging me to come freely before Him. my many sins i was so aware of need to be dealt with, and they were... on the cross. i felt encouraged, like He was saying, "my work on the cross is sufficient for you. every sin you've committed and will ever commit is taken care of. your 'performance' is irrelevant. trust in the cross for your salvation." i felt relieved. how kind of God!
then, those thoughts sort of transitioned to realizing how very many times God forgives me for my sins. He graciously and eagerly forgives me for my repeated offenses. when i sin, no matter who it is directed towards, it's ultimately directed towards God. my sins sadden and hurt Him, yet He forgives me. He does not hesitate or let bitterness grow as i had done. he forgave me when i wasn't even asking and He forgives me of sins i don't even realize i commit. how kind of God!
and then we sang of the power of His work on the cross. i realized that, because of the cross, there is hope for my broken relationship with my family member. His power is greater than the power of sin that infiltrates our lives and stains our friendships. i knew that God would heal this close bond and bring reconciliation. again, how kind of God!
i've been taught many of these truths before, yet when they break through my hardened heart once again it feels like new life and refreshing rain have been poured out. i'm so thankful that God is at work in me. while it seems completely harmful to fight and argue and say hurtful things and get hurt, God promises to work all things for good for those that love Him. out of the hurt came greater depths of understanding, joy, and thankfulness, and hopefully soon full reconciliation with my loved family member. thankful for a God who saves and is sovereign!
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." romans 5:8
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